Andrew Book – (Name TBD) – Outline
Chapter 1: The unraveling

• The book starts with the author heading to a Thai restaurant in Boston Park Plaza, where he’s been invited for by his father. The year is 1982, and the author is near to graduating from Emmerson college. The author has never had a close relationship with his father or with his mother, so he goes to the lunch more out of curiosity.
• Once at lunch the author and his father indulge in light conversation. And during the conversation, his father, out of nowhere tells him how he was conceived. This revelation kicks off the unraveling of the story that has been repressed so far by his own mind, and also was hidden behind a creatively crafted façade by his parents, who have been divorced for years now.
• Author describes the weird relationship that he has always had with his parents. How they were very different people than regular folks. Their inappropriateness that stems from them being progressive and socialists or communists since the early 60s.
  Chapter 2: The backstory of my life
• The author goes further back in time to tell the story of his origins. He relates that he put together the history from accounts of events that were related to him by other people, but not by his parents.
• He tells the story of how his older brother, who was born 4 years earlier than him, was a wonderchild for his parents. He talks about eventually how his mother wanted a companion child for their wonderchild, a girl, and how his father never wanted a child at all.
• The author talks about his parents, and how his father is the main villain of the story. The father was a historical figure in Cape Code, where the author was born, as he was the first social worker in the area which was a backward area back then.
• He talks about his parents keeping up appearances of being progressive, and his father being the founder of the first social services agency called Cape Cod Children protective services as a children’s advocate, pretending to be working to protect abused and neglected children, he was actually abusing and neglecting his own children, i.e., the author and to some extent his older brother.
• He then talks about how his parents were running a twisted social experiment on both kids.
• He relates that despite his mind suppressing the abuse and grooming that he went through, he was able to get the story pieced together through the help of people other than his parents.
• He also relates that through therapy, throughout his life he was able to understand the problems that stemmed from the grooming and abuse that he received from his father in particular, including his later struggles with child pornography, and finally accept that it was abuse carried out by the parents, especially by the father.
  Chapter 3: The addiction
• The author talks about how his earlier life, and his father introducing him to inappropriate entertainment, as in movies, like Hardcore (1979) and Taxi Driver, which introduced him to the concept of pornography.
• The author talks about how he was attracted towards pornography due to his exposure and earlier abuse. He was attracted to the adult arcades of the 60s and 70s.
• The author talks about how he would seek out the ‘combat zone’ or the red-light area of Boston. During his 3 years stay at Emmerson College in Boston, Massachusetts, and even before he enrolled in Emmerson College, he was going to the combat zone to consume live shows and pornography.
• The author talks about the powerful pull that adult entertainment had on his life by his 20s. It filled a need that he had, basically due to the abuse from his father.
  Chapter 4: The 90s – The start of a nightmarish descent
• The author moves forward in time with the story, to his 30s. His earlier life and his addiction with porn led to his further descent into illegal porn.
• The author is now living in Killington, Vermont, a ski resort, and he was working in of the lodges. There he gets caught stealing food from work.
• The author has borderline personality disorder, and he believes he’s receiving messages from the TV series, Twin Peaks. He was also identifying with the female characters in the movies, even in movies. This was a continuation of his growing internal female persona, which had started developing since his teens.
• He first listened to the music album Velveteen from the band Transvision Vamp, that he received a cassette from the music club. Listening to the album made him think the story about the Velveteen character in the album was the story of his own female persona, Velveteen.
• The entire decade, from the 90s to 99, the author’s life deteriorated further. He had an important relationship with a woman, but it ends near the end of the decade.
  Chapter 5: Exploring the local underground sex circuit
• By the year 1999, the author talks about being single for a couple of years, and he is back in Boston, working at the Massachusetts General Hospital.
• He was once visiting the Harvard Square once, and he was looking around and he discovered a magazine called EIDOS, a type of homegrown newsletter. And he discovered a classified advertisement in the newsletter for an organization of the local underground sex circuit, called the Boston Dungeon Society, which is a BDSM community group.
• The author further explores the world of local BDSM scene, called The Scene, and enjoys the entire experience.
• During this time, he gets introduced to Max Hardcore, the stage name for a pornography producer. The author becomes interested in the illegal child pornography due to consuming the productions of Max Hardcore.
  Chapter 6: The Illegal porn addiction
• The author tells the story of how he really got into the world of child pornography. He buys a computer and connects to the internet for the first time and suddenly discovers the world of illegal child porn.
• This period of his life encompasses the time from 2000 to 2016. He first discovered child porn on Yahoo. Then he discovered the website called Motherless dot com, and imagefap dot com chatrooms. This was the rock bottom for the author.
• By 2016 the author is living for a couple of years in Worcester city in Central Massachusetts, in a luxury apartment building. He is working as a waiter in the top restaurant of the city called The Sole Proprietor.
• 2016 was the year that the author was completely drawn into child pornography and extremely violent porn. He was planning on committing suicide because he did not want to live with the addiction.
  Chapter 7: Finally, the fall
• The author knew about the Worcester police was looking for people who were into illegal porn, and every week he read about someone getting arrested for being involved in illegal porn consumption.
• The author wanted to save himself up, so in December 2016 the author decides to become reckless and goes into a private chatroom, sharing with another person the most vile pornographic visuals. This other person turns out to be an undercover police officer who were actively surveilling illegal porn distributor or consumers.
• The author feels relieved from his and waits for the police to come arrest him. This is due to the fact that the author is addicted to the illegal porn and can’t stop themselves, and belief that the authorities can help him stop.
• The police showed up at his apartment at 6:30 in the morning with a search warrant, detain him for 4 hours and take his laptop and desktop hard drive.
• After the police left without arresting the author, and before he was given a court date, he fell into deep depression. He tried to go to his therapist but couldn’t see them, so he bought a bottle of vodka and took a handful of pills to commit suicide.
• But the author survives and wakes up next day, he goes to the therapist, who calls an ambulance and he was taken to a hospital. The author then spends a week in the psych ward.
• After he was released from the psych ward, the author gets in touch with a great lawyer named Nick Ellis, who helps him defend his case. The author has to wait a year for the final verdict, where he avoids jail time, but has to wear an ankle monitor and has to be o probation for three years. He also doesn’t have to register as a sex offender in the state of Massachusetts. This period leads to the author finally being able to start his recovery.
  Chapter 8: The recovery years
• The author moves to the state of Ohio, and there he has to register as a sex offender, and his name and address is put on a registry for sex offenders. He also has to check in with the authorities every six months.
• Ever since the author decided to give himself up to the authorities, he has been able to keep himself clean from porn consumption and has been able to live better due to this.
• With help from therapy he has been able to put his life back on track, and is happy that he was finally able to be free of his addiction.