Christian Velveteen: The Real Short Fiction Collection
"Chapter Two: Meet Angel Hair Bernardi!"
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1benWQHFiSm0i080ook7PHPjy909_KmJn/edit?usp=drivesdk&ouid=108429489415292356305&rtpof=true&sd=true
Angel Hair Bernardi, consigliere of one of The Four Families of Boochopolis, was a ruthless, brutal old school Italian gangster. And a horse. He owned Fine Dining Establishment, one of the leading restaurants in Boochopolis.
He was very vain about his long, thick flowing blond Mane and tail. A cross between American singer-songwriter Gregg AllMan, and Silvio Dante from the American drama series The Sopranos, he was dressed in a cream colored two-button jacket with a wide shouldered fit and leather lapels, sovereign rings, a mad checkerboard print shirt, a gold cross pendant paired with gold bracelets, and a watch.
Angel Hair (or Ainge, as Lil Boochie called him) was a Neapolitan Horse, and therefore one of the greatest natural born thieves unhung, out of the mouths of whom a word can't be believed. He was, as well, a lazy rascal and cowardly beggar.
His head was proud and square, his forehead broad, his eyes large, his profile straight becoming convex over his nose, his nostrils flattened, his ears small. His neck was muscular, long and elegantly curved.
He always enjoyed his little visits with the animes. Whenever they came in for their signature order, oysters and Chicken fingers, he made a point of stopping by their favorite booth, Booth 36.
It Never Happened (A Memoir In Meme Form)
= CHAPTER ONE: "TEN YEARS AGO THIS VERY DAY"
"It was pretty much exactly ten years ago this very day -- "
“ . . . It never happened."
"Yes, it did. That was the day that my brother met me for lunch at a casual dining seafood restaurant in Wareham, Massachusetts."
"You are deluded."
"The reason I remember it so well is that -- "
"You lie."
"He played one of his l favorite funny, funny jokes on me. Which was to arrange a meeting and then totally stand me up. Which was super super funny. And then he would completely deny it. The first time he ever did this was in 1979. In Harvard Square."
"You fantasize."
"And I believe that this lunch we had together was the first initial swirl, in what was to be my final -- I was circling the drain. For the last time. I was a horrible person! I was the worst type of person a person could be. Also, I was completely out of my mind. My whole entire life up to this point had been just ...
It Never Happened (A Memoir In Meme Form)
= CHAPTER ONE: "TEN YEARS AGO THIS VERY DAY"
"It was pretty much exactly ten years ago this very day -- "
“ . . . It never happened."
"Yes, it did. That was the day that my brother met me for lunch at a casual dining seafood restaurant in Wareham, Massachusetts."
"You are deluded."
"The reason I remember it so well is that -- "
"You lie."
"He played one of his l favorite funny, funny jokes on me. Which was to arrange a meeting and then totally stand me up. Which was super super funny. And then he would completely deny it. The first time he ever did this was in 1979. In Harvard Square."
"You fantasize."
"And I believe that this lunch we had together was the first initial swirl, in what was to be my final -- I was circling the drain. For the last time. I was a horrible person! I was the worst type of person a person could be. Also, I was completely out of my mind. My whole entire life up to this point had been just one long, endless series of psychotic breaks, one after the other, for f -- "
"You are ...
So It Was Pretty Much Exactly Ten Years Ago This Very Day: A Short Story
“ . . . It never happened."
"Yes, it did. That was the day that my sister met me for lunch at a casual dining seafood restaurant in Wareham, Massachusetts."
"You are deluded."
"The reason I remember it so well is that -- "
"You lie."
"She played one of her l favorite funny tricks on me. Which was to arrange a meeting and then totally stand me up. Which was super super funny. And the she would completely deny it. The first time she ever did this was in 1979. In Harvard Square."
"You fantasize."
"And I believe that this lunch we had together was the first initial swirl, in what was to be my final -- I was circling the drain. For the last time. I was a horrible person! I was the worst type of person a person could be. Also, I was completely out of my mind. My whole entire life up to this point had been just one long, endless series of psychotic breaks, one after the other, for f -- "
"You are manipulative. What is it you really want?"
"And ...
