📖Chapter Eleven: Meet Jack!

“There is nothing left to say
I made a mistake and now I'll pay!”

Even Worse, "Illusion Won Again"
https://youtu.be/_7BVxQmYV0A

“Please don't apologize,
The damage is done, you better dry your eyes!”

Madelynn Von Ritz, "When I Close My Eyes I See Blood"
https://youtu.be/GnKSJrvncGY

Jack loved to smoke. What he loved to smoke specifically were Boochboro Light 100s, having traded in his blunts for brownies several years ago, when trying to get a tooth fixed. Now, he ingested his marijuana exclusively in brownie form, although he was never able to kick the tobacco habit. Not that he ever tried. He enjoyed it too much.

Jack looked like an Italian accountant. He was dressed in standard old Man gear - a Cubavera short sleeve shirt with contrast inset panels in antique white, dress pants in light gray, a London Fog auburn golf jacket in cement and ASICS Game Point white tennis shoes.

Flipping his cigarette out of the window of his completely beat-to-shit 2007 Boochota Boochola sedan, he stepped out into the cold. Frankly, he found this entire exercise depressing, and had to fight his way through it every time.

SFX: Cue The Nuns, "Do You Want Me on My Knees?"
https://open.spotify.com/track/6QvIr67sIR1nMaShcrdh5G?si=dXB2249WSQG7fSQs7jGX3A

“Booch Inn” the sign read, in the not-creepy-at-all custom-designed Cadillac-style font ubiquitous throughout Boochopolis:

WELCOME
BEST VALUE IN TOWN

He found that reassuring.

Afterwards, he wished he were dead.

Regardless, having ascertained the subjects' exact locations within the target zone, that is to say, having laid eyes on the poor young women being held prisoner in this particular “massage parlor,” when he was back in the passion pit that was the front seat of his car, his Magical Protective Ankle Bracelet (MPAB) said to him, “Now we're going for a ride.”

The Magical Protective Ankle Bracelet (MPAB) was a gift from above, standard issue for Those Rescued. Usually, she spoke to him from over his left shoulder in a female voice, generally neutral-to-supportive in tone, the voice of a relatively young female, say, mid-to-late twenties. Thinking about her made his heart hurt and made him zone out and come back gasping for air.

"They all say yes!
Yes!”

“Yes!” He exclaimed.

There was an awkward pause.

“What do you say?”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Please and thank you?”

“Listen to you! So fancy!”

“I have ascertained the subject's exact location within the target zone. Code red!”

He looked up just in time to see The V-Squad (Velveteen, Saran, Mamma Gattina and Elite Black Tiger Super Prawn Faery) emerge from the entrance of the motel, seeming to have successfully completed their mission instantly upon receipt, due to Velveteen's amazing time-shifting abilities. The V-Squad were a clandestine team of Velandian government super-spies tasked with combating The Booch Group’s nefarious schemes (as well as investigating unusual activities related to Alpha Prime's incipient invasion).

“How do you do that?” He asked, delighted as ever to see Velveteen’s smiling face, not put off at all by the fact that she was completely covered in blood from head to toe.

“Look at you! So cute!” Velveteen cried.

Velveteen and Jack embraced gingerly, because of the blood. They petted and cooed over each other while the other three squad members wrapped The Rescued in eiderdown duvets and handed each her own personal adorable fluffy kitty or puppy - a gift from above, standard issue for Those Rescued. Each kitty or puppy was not only a Licensed Therapist specializing in issues including trauma and PTSD, but also a superhero in their own right, each of whom having been bitten by some radioactive something-or-other and thus having acquired said assailant’s whatever-powers.

VELVETEEN. For example!

Coati Lab, A Labrador retriever who was bitten by a radioactive coati, a small mammal closely related to the raccoon!

Coati Lab fights evil using:

His ringed tail, strong claws, long, highly mobile snout and thick, semi-prehensile tail, often held erect above his body!

Coati Lab’s coati-powers include:

The ability to forage in crevices and holes, and
Excellent balance!

Now you try! It's easy and fun!

Step One: Choose your kitty or puppy!

Step Two: Choose the radioactive animal by whom you wish your kitty or puppy to be bitten!

Step Three: Fill in the blanks!

(Name), A(n) (Breed of kitty or puppy) who was bitten by a radioactive (Animal), a(n) (Description of animal).

(Name) fights evil using:

(List attributes of radioactive animal)

(Name)’s (radioactive animal)-powers include:

(List abilities of radioactive animal)

Step Four: Collect ‘em! Trade ‘em!

They made their way out to the beautiful, fully appointed ultra-luxurious Lincoln Super Stretch Limousines awaiting them, each containing it's assigned passenger's unique “valley of love and delight,” that for which her heart had yearned most sorrowfully during her imprisonment, always always always lost family members. Plus her favorite cocktail, and appetizers! Plus a truly magnificent pedi.

Jack left Velveteen to wash (and by “wash,” I mean “obsessively pick in giant wads and long, tremulous strands”) the blood and various bits (and by “bits,” i mean “great gobs and fragments”) of brain, skull, viscera and Hair out from between her still-tingling purple flower-pedicured toes, in a basin of hot soapy water brought specifically for this purpose, her Sam EdleMan Silver Boa Gigi sandals ruined and discarded inside the motel.

“We talked about this," he said lovingly over his shoulder.

“(Like this?)”

He made his way past Saran, who was busily sorting The Rescued into their Lincoln Super Stretch Limousines (accompanied by cries of joy as they embraced their loved ones), into the seedy motel lobby, where Mamma Gattina and Elite Black Tiger Super Prawn Faery (Prawn Faery for Short) were processing the completely humiliated huMan males who had been apprehended "availing themselves of" Those Rescued during the raid. He stopped to listen.

“Here’s a copy of the search warrant, indicating we searched the premises for evidence of endangerment,” Elite Black Tiger Super Prawn Faery (Prawn Faery for Short) was saying. She fluttered from one miserable perpetrator to another on her Faery wings. She handed each his own personalized photocopy from a stack she carried in her ten legs.

As usual, she was a little disappointed she had not had a chance to use her bonus magical Elite Black Tiger Super Prawn Power (Please see “Meet Elite Black Tiger Super Prawn Faery (Prawn Faery for Short)”) on this mission. She really had thought today might be the day.

“We’ll be in touch,” she added off-handedly, flying out the door.

Mamma Gattina, a beautiful white fluffy Persian Kitty who had been bitten by a radioactive therapist, jumped from lap to lap. She locked big, expressive deep blue eyes with each mortified perpetrator, to see if anything was left of what once had been his soul.

“Or, you can come with me to 8 East,” she purred in her soft, melodious voice, “for a complete clinical assessment under my direction,” because, in addition to being Velveteen’s cat, big sister and therapist (Please see “Velveteen's Letter To Mamma Gattina”), Mamma Gattina was apparently also Medical Director of 8 East, the 27-bed, locked, acute psychiatric unit on the University Campus of Boochopolis Medical Center.

Next: Velveteen's PerforMance Review!