Chapter Sixteen: Meet Mega Mecha Mot!
Velveteen and The Safety Snaps had just finished banging out the closing chords of American musician Maggie Rogers’ alternative/indie song “Light On,” and were about to launch into the pop song “New Ideas” by CitySound, when it happened.
What exactly “it” was, depended on your point of view. From the point of view of “objective reality” (Whatever that is! - AP), what happened was:
Alpha Prime’s Five Confederates Of Evil, as instructed, launched The Invasion. The Legions Of Flying Robots were dispatched to The Bungalows on the western edge of Velandia, to clear a beachhead for the Expeditionary Forces.
“I'm sorry, Principessa.” Lotar, King Of The Insect World tried to explain to Alpha Prime, as he disinfected his spikes (and her feet) with ProNails Foot A’Septic Spray and let it dry in the air (evaporate).
“It seems, that there is some sort of, well, rodent infestation on the, er, on the beach, which, unfortunately, was simply not there last time we scanned the area.” He went on, removing all nail polish with ProNails Non Acetone Polish Remover and a cosmetic pad.
Alpha Prime was barely listening. She was now completely preoccupied with the latest post from the American women's fashion magazine Harper's Bazaar.
“Look, Lote, it says right here!” She cried, waving her phone in his triangular face. “The 15 Best Spring 2019 Nail Colors!”
“Yes, Principessa, I see,” he stammered, mixing three pumps of ProNails Foot Soak with two to three litres of lukewarm water in the ProNails Pedicure Bowl. “However, if I could just draw your attention to -- “
“Oh honestly, Lote! You deal with it!” She interrupted him without meaning to, as she lowered her feet into the bowl.
For the next five to seven minutes, while he used luxurious, luxurious ProNails Sensation Scrub on her feet, and then rinsed them with water, he ordered The Legions Of Flying Robots to clear the landing area of all native fauna within a fifty mile radius, using MotBGone, a product designed specifically for exterminating unwanted marmot infestations (which, his Robot scouts informed him, seemed to be the primary species currently clogging up his Landing Area).
“Ditch the nude Manicure—it's time for some loud pops of color! By Audrey Noble, Jan 18, 2019!” Her dark complexion could wear rich, deep shades. Burgundy, vibrant purples, and plums looked great. ”What do you think about that, Lote?”
He took one foot out of the bath, gently supporting her heel in a comfortable way. “Let me see.”
She held her phone up to his eyes as he dried her foot with a clean towel.
“Marmot problems? MotBGone takes care of marmot infestations safely -- and humanely!” The label on the can of MotBGone read.
This was a bit of misnomer. Technically, MotBGone was not so much “safe” and “humane” as it was “a thermobaric weapon.”
TO BE CONTINUED!
It Never Happened (A Memoir In Meme Form)
= CHAPTER ONE: "TEN YEARS AGO THIS VERY DAY"
"It was pretty much exactly ten years ago this very day -- "
“ . . . It never happened."
"Yes, it did. That was the day that my brother met me for lunch at a casual dining seafood restaurant in Wareham, Massachusetts."
"You are deluded."
"The reason I remember it so well is that -- "
"You lie."
"He played one of his l favorite funny, funny jokes on me. Which was to arrange a meeting and then totally stand me up. Which was super super funny. And then he would completely deny it. The first time he ever did this was in 1979. In Harvard Square."
"You fantasize."
"And I believe that this lunch we had together was the first initial swirl, in what was to be my final -- I was circling the drain. For the last time. I was a horrible person! I was the worst type of person a person could be. Also, I was completely out of my mind. My whole entire life up to this point had been just ...
It Never Happened (A Memoir In Meme Form)
= CHAPTER ONE: "TEN YEARS AGO THIS VERY DAY"
"It was pretty much exactly ten years ago this very day -- "
“ . . . It never happened."
"Yes, it did. That was the day that my brother met me for lunch at a casual dining seafood restaurant in Wareham, Massachusetts."
"You are deluded."
"The reason I remember it so well is that -- "
"You lie."
"He played one of his l favorite funny, funny jokes on me. Which was to arrange a meeting and then totally stand me up. Which was super super funny. And then he would completely deny it. The first time he ever did this was in 1979. In Harvard Square."
"You fantasize."
"And I believe that this lunch we had together was the first initial swirl, in what was to be my final -- I was circling the drain. For the last time. I was a horrible person! I was the worst type of person a person could be. Also, I was completely out of my mind. My whole entire life up to this point had been just one long, endless series of psychotic breaks, one after the other, for f -- "
"You are ...
So It Was Pretty Much Exactly Ten Years Ago This Very Day: A Short Story
“ . . . It never happened."
"Yes, it did. That was the day that my sister met me for lunch at a casual dining seafood restaurant in Wareham, Massachusetts."
"You are deluded."
"The reason I remember it so well is that -- "
"You lie."
"She played one of her l favorite funny tricks on me. Which was to arrange a meeting and then totally stand me up. Which was super super funny. And the she would completely deny it. The first time she ever did this was in 1979. In Harvard Square."
"You fantasize."
"And I believe that this lunch we had together was the first initial swirl, in what was to be my final -- I was circling the drain. For the last time. I was a horrible person! I was the worst type of person a person could be. Also, I was completely out of my mind. My whole entire life up to this point had been just one long, endless series of psychotic breaks, one after the other, for f -- "
"You are manipulative. What is it you really want?"
"And ...
